42. Demise Of A Beloved Mother

Lee Mooi

Almost a year later, fate would dealt us a devastating blow that snatched our beloved mother away from us.

It was Tuesday, August 18, 1998. As usual, mother would do her morning marketing at the mini-market behind the house. On that day, she had bought some fresh kueh-teow and vegetables to cook lunch. After that, she and father watched their favourite Chinese drama show on TV.

When the show was over, mother felt hot and sweaty and went to take a bath. She was in the bathroom for quite some time, so father called out to her. But, there was no reply. He then tried frantically to open the door but it would not budged. He telephoned brother Chew Tai who came over as quickly as he could. Together they forced open the door. Mother was unconscious and was sitting on the bathroom floor with her back to the door.

Chew Tai called for an ambulance and it arrived a short while later to ferry mother to the hospital where she was warded at the Intensive Care Unit or ICU.

I just arrived home from work that day when I received a call from brother Chew Tai informing me about mother's condition. I went immediately to the hospital and saw several nurses moving in and out of an enclosed unit at the ICU. They had drawn the shades around her bed.

I then realized it was a very serious case. The doctor told me that she suffered a stroke on the back of her head, and they wanted to send her to the Ipoh general hospital for urgent treatment. However, a short while later, one of the nurses waved to the doctor to come and attend to mother. Though her bed was enclosed by the shades, I could see and hear some frantic and noisy activity going on around her. Then, everything became quiet and calm. The doctor came out and told me that mother had succumbed to a stroke and there was massive hemorrhage in her brain.

Mother Lee Mooi died quickly and without pain at 7.50 p.m. She was 75. At that very moment of her death, sisters Sweed Cheng and Suit Meng, who were in PJ, recalled that they felt mother calling out to them. They knew something had happened to her.

When I told father the tragic news, he was overcame with grief. He kept repeating to himself: "You are well this morning. Now, you are gone. Why do this thing happened?". There were tears in his eyes. After a few minutes, he regained his composure, stood up and bravely said: "These things happened without reason. It is all fated".

We did not expect our mother to die so suddenly as she seemed well and healthy. She had not complained of any serious sickness except for her aching joints and legs. We didn't have a chance even to say goodbye. Her demise left such a huge void in the family that we felt lost without her. The nest that she had created all these years suddenly became so empty and cold. The family reunions and gatherings that followed were never the same without her presence. I still recall her caring for us when we were young, and how she struggled to clothe and feed us. She was very thrifty and sacrificed a lot of her own needs so that we could have ours first. She had worked very hard and had devoted her entire life to her loved ones.

Her unreserved love and affection for us made her one of the best mother we could ever wish for. She was also very friendly and kind, and her many friends is a testimony of that.

I can recalled vividly a very touching incident that happened one evening in front of our house in Tupai Road. It was raining heavily, and a young hawker selling wantan-mee managed to take shelter in the 5-foot way of our house. He was drenched and shivered in the cold. Without much thought, mother quickly went into the house, took out one of our tee-shirts and gave it to the young man. It was a spontaneous gesture and a kindly act of concern a mother would do for her children or any young ones.

Her funeral was held on the August 22, 1998. It was just as grand as our grandmother's funeral that happened 43 years ago. Many of our relatives, friends, colleagues and those who knew her came to pay their last respect. Her funeral rites were performed by a group of Taoist priests led by a clansman, Chang Soo Har who is the grandson of a Taoist priest popularly known as "Red Nose" and a colleague of our grandfather.

Our mother's body was cremated at the now defunct Buddhist crematorium at Taman Panglima in Assam Kumbang. Her ashes were then interned at the Wat Phodhiyaran or Buddhist temple's columbarium in Assam Kumbang. One very interesting coincidence that happened during her funeral was that the total expenses incurred almost equal to the total contributions and donations received. She had taken care that her death would not be a burden to us.

Next: 43. After Mother's Death »

41. HouseTaken Away

One unexpected event that took place in 1996 was when our parents were informed to vacate the house at 15 Tupai Road by the new owner, Mr. Leong Kum Weng. The previous owner, Mr. Manecksha, had told our parents that they could stay in the house as long as they like as he had no intention of selling it. However, his son who inherited this property when his father died, sold it without informing our parents. Our parents had no choice but to vacate the house which they had lived for almost 54 years. They received some compensation from the new owner before they finally left the house in December of 1996.

In the beginning, our parents stayed at Chew Kiat's home in Bukit Mertajam. But, they dearly missed all their old friends, the food and the environment they had been so used to that they decided to move back to Taiping. In September 1997, they returned to Taiping where they had rented a single-storey terrace house at 237, Lorong 1, Taman Bersatu Kampung Boyan.

Though they stayed by themselves, we would visit them regularly and take them out for meals, shopping, visiting friends and relatives etc. Those of us who lived out-station would come back very often to be with them. Even father's younger sister, auntie Sui Wan and her husband came to pay them a visit. That was the last time we saw auntie Sui Wan. She passed away on December 27, 1999.

While in Kampung Boyan, our mother would often asked me to take her house hunting as it was her greatest desire to have a house of her own. We surveyed many of the new as well as the old housing schemes in and around Taiping but could not find one that suits her. This dream of hers was suddenly shattered in the following year.

Next: 42. Demise Of A Beloved Mother »

40. "Old Men Ailment"

Three years went by before father had another health problem that was common among men of his age - an enlarged prostate that had blocked the urethra that drains the urine from the bladder, and caused great discomfort and pain during urination. I took him to the Taiping hospital and the doctor inserted a catheter through his penis and into his bladder to drain urine into a plastic bag which he had to carry along wherever he went.

However, this equipment had to be replaced every week for hygienic reasons. This weekly procedure, sometimes, at the out-patient clinic, and sometimes at the emergency unit, was a big hassle and painful process for father as the hospital assistants were rough and uncaring. The doctors were just as inconsiderate and they told father that he would have to live with the contraption for the rest of his life. Without much thought, they referred him to a specialist at the General Hospital in Kuala Lumpur.

We went there with high hopes. But, for all the pain and discomfort that father had to endure for this trip, the specialist told father that he was too old and weak to survive the operation. He told father to get fit first before coming back to see him again.

After all these frustrations and uncaring attitudes we received from the very people who pledged to serve and heal the sick and helpless, we decided to send father to the Ipoh Specialist Hospital at Jalan Raja DiHilir in Ipoh.

It was in the morning when we consulted Dr. Ding, the resident urologist, who convinced us that our father's problem could be easily treated with a simple, safe, and common surgical procedure.

That very evening, the specialist did a trans-urethral resection of the prostate by inserting a scope through the penis and removing the prostate piece by piece. Father was given local anesthesia and was fully awake throughout the 3-hour operation, and he described the sensation like being bitten by ants.

After two nights of rest and recuperation at the hospital, father returned home cured of his problem. In appreciation, everyone of us contributed in our own ways, but Suit Meng and Sweed Lean shouldered the major portions of the costs incurred. After this episode, father was well and healthy again until the second half of 2001 when his overall health began to falter.

Next: 41. House Taken Away »

39. Brush With Death

In 1993, father Chung Chow was very ill for some time. He had lost weight considerably. He was very thin and weak, and his cheeks were sunken. Even his skin had lost it's light brown glow and had turned to a dull, darkish complexion. The many private doctors he had consulted told him that it was just a case of "old people illness" - a general term commonly used to describe the various ailments associated with old age. They just gave him some medication to ease his pains.

Fortunately, he met a young Dr. Lee who is no stranger to him as he is the son of the charcoal shop proprietors who lived down the road. His diagnosis was more thorough and he suspected that father could be suffering from a lung infection and advised him to have a complete check-up and x-ray at the hospital.

Initially, our father was quite reluctant to do what the good doctor advised. He had never experienced any serious ailments before and the thought of staying in a hospital frightens him. He felt it was too troublesome, not for himself, but for others who would have to look after him. He said it would make no difference if he gets well or not for he was almost 78, and about time he join his ancestors. However, the following incident changed his mind.

One afternoon, while father was dozing in his easy chair in the hall, he dreamed that an old scholarly man came up to him and gave him a message. He had long flowing white hair and beard trailing behind him as he appeared just outside the doorway. He was riding on a big white horse and accompanied by a troop of soldiers. They were dressed in traditional clothes of the Ming Dynasty. He told father in a loud voice that his time was not up yet and that he must go the hospital to be cured.

Father awoke and related this incident to mother who was very much relieved and hopeful. Heeding the old man's advice, they went to the hospital the next day for a check-up and more tests. The doctors confirmed that father had contracted tuberculosis, and the hospital has all the necessary drugs to treat him.

The treatment was a long and painful process and mother had to accompany him to the hospital every day to receive his medication. This procedure lasted for more than a month. Fortunately, they had arranged for a taxi to ferry them to and fro the hospital. The taxi driver was a fellow clansman and he diligently fulfilled his duty without fail each day.

Eventually father recovered from his illness and mother nursed him back to health again with her tender loving care and devotion.

Next: 40. "Old Men Ailment" »

38. Visit To Homeland

One of our father's biggest accomplishment was when he took our mother to visit his homeland in China which he left behind more than 49 years ago. In 1976, with his savings from his Employee Provident Fund (EPF), father had enough money to take our mother to his ancestral village in Qing Yuan.

They flew by plane to Hong Kong and then took the ferry across to Quangzhou, and then to the Chan Village in Qin Xin. They brought along some gifts such as a bicycle which they bought in Hong Kong, clothings, watches, etc. for his cousins and their families. Back then, life in Qing Yuan was still difficult though they have enough to go by.

Relatives in Qing Yuan

 Lee Mooi and Chung Chow

 Lee Mooi and Chung Chow

 Chung Chow and Lee Mooi with relatives

A family reunion

Relatives in China

A wedding

I remembered the many occasions when father sent money home through couriers or clansmen who frequently traveled between Taiping and Quangzhou. All these were done on trust and good faith.

While it was a very sentimental journey home for our father, our mother found the weather in Qing Yuan too cold and windy.

 Visit to Malaysia by relatives from China. Sweed Cheng and Auntie Loke in front row.

A Chinese ink brush painting from China

Next: 39. Brush With Death »

37. Leaving The Nest

By the end of the 60s and early 70s, the younger batch of siblings had finished secondary school. Chew Hong left to join brother Chew Pheng in Kuala Lumpur while Chew Kiat went to Singapore to work for a short while with uncle Lee Yong Chan before returning to work in Kamunting and later on to Butterworth. Suit Meng went over-seas to the United Kingdom to work-cum-train as a registered nurse. After her training, she returned to Kuala Lumpur. In 1975, See Kun too went to KL to work. The last of the sibling, Sweed Lean, also landed up in KL with her three sisters in 1980.

In the mid-60s, our parents stopped making the Taoist paper paraphernalia and images. By then, many of these items are mass-produced, cheap and easily available in the market. The work area in the hall was then replaced by two sets of mahjong tables. Mahjong games were very popular during those days and playing sessions usually would begin in the afternoons and very often would end late at night. It was here that we learned how to play mahjong, and our mother patiently taught us how to count the score and the many strategies to win the game. However, the only time we to get to play mahjong was during Chinese New Year reunion gatherings when we would pit our skills and luck against each other.

Game of Mahjong

The mahjong sessions eventually fizzled out in the mid-80s, and the hall, including the corridor that leads to the back of the house, was turned into parking spaces for motorbikes that belonged to employees of the Berkat Supermarket across the road. They parked their motorbikes on a monthly rental basis. Mother would handle the negotiations and the money collected was sufficient to pay for the house rent and utilities bills. The rooms upstairs were left empty, and our parents lived in the big house all by themselves until December 1996.

Next: 38. Visit To Homeland »

36. Growing Up and Having Fun

Our parents loved and cared for us very much, and they made sure we were happy and have fun while we were growing up. The Chinese New Year is the most important and joyous occasion of the year. Our parents usually gave us new clothes, new shoes, and ang-pows to celebrate the occasion.

On the second day of new year, we would go and visit our relatives and friends. Mother had many relatives and friends in Aulong, and we would visit one house after the other, stuffed ourselves with food and drinks, and collected the little red packets that contained money. Though each packet contained only a few cents, usually 10 or 20 cents, they added up to quite a lot of money in those days. Maternal grandma Lee usually gave 4 cents in her ang-pows but the significance was not in the amount of money it contained but rather it was a symbol of celebration and good fortune which shw wanted to share with her loved ones.

We would then visit our granduncle Chan and his family in Kamunting. Grand-auntie Chan's Chinese New Year delicacies, peanut cookies, and crispy love-letters or kueh kapit were the best. During the school holidays, some of us would spend a few days with them and enjoyed the country-side. We would run around bare-footed, climb trees, play in the sand dunes of the former tin-mines, fish for Tilapias in the mining ponds, catch fighting-fish in the swamps etc. We also get to enjoy grand-auntie's tasty nyonya curry prawns, sambal belacan, and acar or spicy mixed vegetable pickles. She would cook rice using a saw-dust stove which was quite popular then as there were many saw-mills in this area.

Sometimes we would stay over at our maternal grandparents' home in Aulong where we get to experience a farm environment, and Hakka food especially grandma's delicious glutinous rice dumplings that were shaped like little pillows.

Going on out-station trip was another enjoyable experience our parents gave us. During the school holidays, father would arrange a car from his friends to take us for a day trip to Ipoh or Penang. I recalled visiting the Japanese Garden and Sam Poh caves in Ipoh, and the Kek Lok Si Temple in Penang. We visited mother's elder sister in Kampar. We also went to many other places such as Sungai Siput, Lenggung, and even Sungai Petani in Kedah to visit our relatives and friends.

Chung Chow and Friends

Chung Chow at Air Itam, Penang

While our father had a very good memory for telephone numbers, our mother had a very extraordinary talent for remembering places she had visited. She could direct you to the same spot even though it had been years since she last visited it.

Mother Lee Mooi loved to travel and she would visit us and the children as often as possible whether it be in Kuala Lumpur, Petaling Jaya, Teluk Intan, Bukit Mertajam, Butterworth or Terengganu. She also loved to go to Singapore to visit grand-auntie Chan and uncle Lee and family.

Lee Family in Singapore

In November 1992, uncle and auntie Loke took our mother for a holiday in Sydney, Australia and also attended auntie's daughter's wedding. In May 1994, she got to go on a boat cruise sponsored by Anchor Beer. It was a free trip which I won in a competition. It sailed up and down the Straits of Malacca for two nights and back to Port Klang. It was fun with lots of food, entertainment and also casino. Sweed Lean and family took her on a holiday trip to the United States in June 1997 and they also visited See Kun and Gigi in Maryland.

Chung Chow and Lee Mooi

Holiday

There was also one special trip that I get to go with father and his friends. It was to shoot big fruit bats known as flying-foxes. These bats fly out from their hiding places in the evening and cover the skies in the hundreds in their search for food in the fruit orchards. The hunters would shoot them down with their short-guns and as the bats fall to the ground, I would hold them by the wings and knock them dead with the back of a heavy knife. I learned how to skin them and to cook delicious flying-fox porridge.

During the weekends, our father would take us for matinee shows either at the Lido or Cathay cinemas. We watched all kinds of shows such as western shows especially cowboys and Tarzan, Hindi shows, Malay shows etc. The tickets cost less than half the normal fare, the cheapest costing about 25 cents, and as we were small children then, two of us could get into the cinema with one ticket.

Our mother Lee Mooi preferred Chinese movies which were normally screened at the Carlton and Rex cinemas and sometimes at the Lido cinema. She would take us along to watch many of her favourites especially Shaw Brothers movies starring Lin Dai, Ivy Ling Po etc. The ones we liked most were Wong Fei Hung and kung-fu shows. We also went to the smaller cinemas such as the Sun cinema and the open-air Loh Thean cinema located inside the Coronation Park.

At the Loh Thean cinema, we pay only 10 cents to sit on the cement floor and watch the show projected across a big wooden screen. If it rains, we would open our umbrellas and continue to watch the show. This park was a very popular entertainment centre at that time. It also had children games and rides as well as joget for the adults. The men would get tickets at a counter. As the music start to play they would approach a group of pretty ladies seated beside the band. The ladies who were given the tickets would follow the men to the dance floor and they would dance until the music stop. The ladies would then return to their seats. It was great fun watching the antics of some of the dancers.

Chinese Opera

Chinese Opera

Mother Lee Mooi also loved to watch Chinese opera shows performed on make-shift stages erected besides the temples. These shows were usually held during religious festivals. The ones held at the Kuan Yin Temple beside Kwangtung Association were her favourites. She would go with her friends and they would carry wooden stools along to sit on and umbrellas to shelter from the sun and rain. Sometimes we tagged along and she would explain the story to us. The first show is always performed without an audience, and she would tell us it was meant for the deities and spirits. The performances would last for several days depending on the story that was being told.

We did not have the telephone until the very late 60s. I recall the many occasions when father or mother had to rush over next door or across the road to our neighbours' phones to answer calls. Sister Sweed Cheng had started working after returning from the UK, and brothers Chu Tai and Chew Pheng and myself had also started our own careers. It was out of necessity rather than luxury that a telephone was installed to help us get in touch with one another.

Our parents did not have a TV set until the mid-70s though RTM 2 was established in 1969. It was a small 14-inch, black-and-white set which became the main source of entertainment for our parents. When TV3 was established in 1983, it was replaced with a bigger colour TV set provided by brother Chew Kiat.

Next: 37. Leaving The Nest »

35. Tightening Our Belts

We must not forget too that there were times when we really had to tighten our belts especially during the 50s and early 60s when we were growing up. Besides providing for our basic needs, our parents made sure everyone of us had a good secondary school education. We admired how our parents had sacrificed their own needs for it was not easy putting us through school on father's small income.

We are very fortunate for we have enough food to eat though at times it was just rice and a can of baked beans, or sardines, or mackerel and black beans, or fermented bean curds to feed the whole family.

Our parents were very thrifty and somehow they managed to care for us through those difficult years with their sheer determination and sacrifices. It was a blessing for we seldom see them quarrel, and the few times they did were usually about money or rather the lack of it, and what priorities to handle with the small amount of money they had.

There were a lot of expenses such as school uniforms, school fees, exam fees, books, shoes, stationery etc. They even gave us some pocket money to buy food during school recess so that we wouldn't go hungry. I recalled getting 10 cents while I was in primary school and that would buy me a cold glass of rose-flavoured drink and a kueh golok (fried mashed banana and flour) which was almost as big as a tennis ball.

The handling down of old uniforms, books and shoes from the older sibling to the next younger one was another tradition that helped cut costs. Mother taught us to be responsible for our own things by insisting we washed our own canvas shoes and undergarments. They showed great interest in our school work and progress and also get to know all our friends. They made sure we do not mixed with the wrong crowd.

Though father had only some formal education, he made sure that we do our homework and study every evening. We have to study on our own as private tuition was very costly. He was not a very strict disciplinarian, and he seldom uses the cane as we do not give him any reason to so. But he was firm and occasionally uses the cane or the ruler to knock our knuckles to punish us for misdeeds or unfavourable report cards.

Next: 36.Growing Up and Having Fun »

34. Growing Up and Responsibilities

While we were growing up, everyone of us have to help our mother do some of the chores in the kitchen such as boiling water to fill up the hot-water canisters, and prepare fresh Chinese tea. We learned how to cook rice using the charcoal stove which was later replaced by the electric rice-cooker. We took turns performing these chores, starting with the eldest sibling who would hand over the duties to the next sibling as soon as he or she was big enough. Besides helping our mother in the kitchen, we also have to sweep the floor every morning, and to light the joss-sticks for worshiping the ancestors and deities.

During the week-ends and school holidays, some of us we would follow mother to the market and she would teach us how to choose the best vegetables, fish, and poultry, and how to bargain and not get cheated. In the kitchen, she would patiently show us how to clean and prepare the vegetables, fish or poultry, and other ingredients for cooking the various dishes and soup.

Mother Lee Mooi Cooking

Mother Lee Mooi Cooking

Mother was an excellent cook and a good teacher. Some of our favourites were her vegetarian dish, yam and pork slices, and chicken and potato soup. Our father would show off his cooking skills by preparing his tasty Hainanese chicken rice. He showed us the secret on how to get that smooth and tender chicken skin and delicious meat. He insisted that the family should eat together as often as possible as it nurtures strong family bonds and cohesiveness.

During the festivals such as the Chinese New Year, Cheng Meng, Lantern and Mooncake festival etc., the kitchen would be a buzzed with activities and everyone doing their part. We had lots of fun time in the kitchen and also lots of delicious home-cooked food to eat during these occasions. Sometimes we have leftover food like roasted pork and chicken, and mother would re-cook these with some black sauce and sugar, so that they could be kept longer as we do not have a refrigerator in those days.

Reunion Dinner

Enjoying delicious durian

Next: 35. Tightening Our Belts »